Insecurities

From the second I knew we were expecting, I was obsessed with finding information so I talked to people and read articles day after day and week after week that told me what to expect and how to feel. It was really helpful since I was totally clueless but somewhere in there it all had a special way of making me very judgmental of me and super uncomfortable.

Earlier on, my body was changing but knowing the baby was so tiny that its weight and size were irrelevant to how I looked made me feel like the changes were not justified. I mean “They” said I should have some bloating, maybe morning sickness that would end in the 1^st trimester and I wasn’t really supposed to show till much later. Yes my body was working overtime to develop the baby but why was it doing the most? At a point in week 6, I could barely button my pants and I remember thinking “If this is me now then I am so doomed!” It calmed down and soon my clothes fit again but all the expectations were drowning me because I just felt fat and I couldn’t blame it on the baby.

Since I had been so sick, each time I got myself to work out, it made me feel much better and a little more like me. I enjoyed my me time and I could see the difference in the bloat and how I looked. But really, who were all these people in real life and online to tell ME what MY pregnancy was supposed to look like. And in turn, how dumb was I to allow these generalizations define how I felt about myself.

I didn’t realize how much it impacted me until one day, I went out and got a bunch of compliments but in hindsight my responses to each was negative. Rather than a smile and thank you they went more like “You know who you look like? Naomi Campbell”… My response… “Really? I don’t quite feel like it right now”. “Ma’m you just have this glow”.. “Uhh, you think so?” “You are so gorgeous”… “Aww, do you see my belly?” and on and on.

I got home and told hubby about it and knew it was time to do something and that’s when my self-love journey reset. So the first thing I did was work on accepting my body and admitting that it was beautiful. Different but beautiful. I needed to get comfortable with the changes and realize that it was perfectly ok for my body to do what it needed to do and that my little one was more than worth it.

Each day I would take a little longer in front of the mirror and just admire what was going on. I would take the time to do the little things… hair, make-up, nails just because I felt like it. Sometimes even after I had just thrown up and felt a hot mess, I would get myself together then even toot my own horn a little “Girl, better check you out! You are kinda cute” haha. Sounds so silly but it made all the difference in the world.

See, every woman is different. Some say they knew they were pregnant only cause their belly grew, others freak out because half way through their pregnancy, they still have a flat belly. Some women lose 20 lbs throughout their pregnancy, others gain 70. Either way, it’s never predictable and you have to be comfortable in your own skin because no one else will help you do that.

Good food and exercise help a ton, but you just don’t know how your body will respond. There have been times were for weeks the taste of water made me sick, so I drank anything but water; there were other times that I felt great while I was eating, but the second I stopped, I felt like crap, so I would keep snacking from time to time. But irrespective of how I was feeling, I actively thought about where I could make better/healthier decisions and did so anyway I could afford to.

So pregnant or not, here is what I have always believed… No one will value you, more than you value yourself so focus on you. You should be your standard and competition. There will be insecurities, but it is up to you to manage them and improve yourself for you while loving every step of the journey. So what insecurities are you struggling with and how are you managing it? Leave a comment below! This was a tough one to write… but I feel like someone needed to see this. Have a fabulous day people!